DILBERT'S RULES OF ORDER
1- I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day. Tomorrow is
not looking good either.
2- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.
3- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you
how to get along without it.
4- Accept that some days you are the pigeon
and some days the statue.
5- Needing someone is like needing a parachute.
If he isn't there the first time, chances are
you won't be needing him again.
6- I don't have an attitude problem,
you have a perception problem.
7- Last night I lay in bed looking up
at the stars in the sky, and I thought
to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
8- My reality check bounced.
9- On the keyboard of life, always keep
one finger on the escape key.
10- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11-You are slower than a herd of turtles
stampeding through peanut butter.
12-Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13-Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
14-Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level,
then beat you with experience.
15-A pat on the back is only a few centimeters
from a kick in the butt.
16-Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.
17-After any salary raise, you will have less money
at the end of the month than you did before.
18-The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.
19-You can go anywhere you want
if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20-Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21-People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
22-If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
23-When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
24-When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve
it more easily by reducing it to the question,
"How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
25-If at first you don't succeed . . . skydiving isn't for you.
26-When everything is coming your way . . .
you're in the wrong lane!
27-Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.